Creating and managing the right spaces in your life for high quality life and living
Creating the right spaces in your life for quality life and living
If we talk about spaces in our life — there are so many spaces and managing the important spaces in our life — could be the most important need for propelling extra-ordinary growth-success-happiness-satisfaction-fulfillment-invigorating and blissful relationships etc.
Personal-space can also be called aura — anytime someone [whom we have not allowed subconsciously of-course] — comes to very close physically — most of us would react as if attacked -because it feels like that.
Aura is also — the way our personality gets reflected to others — non-verbally and without our being conscious about it.
15 spaces that we need to pay attention to can be any of the following and more
1. Space for our own-self — to get-in-touch with, understand, accept, appreciate, feel-proud-of — who we are
2. Space for reflection — where we can go — to identify the future-path, lessons from the mistakes made and what we need to do to beat the personal-obstacles
3. Space to view ourselves — objectively -and have candid conversations when we find ourselves stuck, confused and are unable to see any way out
4. Space for exploring solutions to our problems and challenges
5. Space for our own growth — here we may envision, create larger than life dreams — this is the space where we only deal with creating and seeing possibilities
6. Space to rediscover, reinvent ourselves and to relax and rejuvenate
7. Creating heathy personal boundaries — the space — which has very serious implication in our well-being
8. Claiming our space through assertiveness and saying NO to the negative and draining demands of others
9. Protecting our space from toxic-encroachers — this is about bouncing-back internally through developing resilience to preserve self-worth and self-love and self-pride — when toxic-people in your life are pulling you down — emotionally-physically-mentally
10. Creating your personal sanctum-sanctorum — this we need to retreat when we are being hit from every side and we need to guard our self-identity
11. Creating co-space — for spending meaningful-time with our important relationships and to nurture relationships
12. Giving space to others — for their own growth
13. Space for adding-value and making difference to others — unconditionally
14. Understanding what types of spaces are needed in existing in social-harmony
15. Importance of developing and polishing Social-emotional intelligence in our every aspects of life
Through my various failed-relationships — I learned the value of giving space to others and also creating my own personal-space.
As parents we need to create space — for raising assertive-kids.
I realized this only recently — although I raised my daughter and my niece with help of my mother and my sister.
My method of strict-parenting was not only wrong-way of parenting but that also created emotional-insecurity issues in both my daughter and niece.
Because few major life-events — have contributed to who I am today — I am portraying it as a chain of various links [at the end of this — given the chorology of events of my life from the time I finished post-graduation — to give the readers — the details of mistakes made and things created]
My life-odyssey
I have tried to give entire story in sequence and although I have put under different questions — they are part of the whole story
1. Immediately after I finished my post-graduation — my father had to quit working because of his much troubling angina.
2. He got a lump-sum amount of Rupees 1.5lacs from his employer in 1984 as gratuity for his life’s work — there was no other deposits or savings [or any other property or asset — for all 5 of us — me, my parents and two sisters who were in college and whose studies were still funded by my father].
3. Because he always wanted to start a poultry-farm — we decided to start a poultry farm and went to a place called Jhansi which has a cantonment and is surrounded by many big army-cantonment in nearby towns.
4. I assumed [under the arrogance of recent graduates — with know-it-all air] that because ARMY is a big-consumer [under the arrogance of qualification — wrongly of-course] — we will be overnight-success and our business cannot fail.
5. We did not do any surveys or even talked to people in ARMY who were supposed to be our target-customer — or other poultry-farm owners Mistake number 1 in Hindsight
6. Did not even doing the retail market study — My Mistake number 2 in Hindsight.
7. Then I invested almost 60% of the aforesaid amount in constructing the farm — [on a land owned by someone I knew — who said that he does not need this land and that we can have this land for free — I accepted with full trust — without signing any documents and agreements or contracts [what he said fully without even having any doubt that the words are fully reversible] — My Mistake number 3 in Hindsight
8. Then we started running the poultry farm — mind you none of us knew anything about what to do or have consulted any expert or taken any training My Mistake number 4 in Hindsight
9. We kept on experimenting — which proved to be very expensive financially for us
10. Then only after we invested in construction and got the chicks — and started running the farm — I focused on marketing — My mistake number 5 in Hindsight [marketing should have been the first thing to do even before we thought of spending any amount]
11. Then when I landed in Jabalpur — where the Army-tenders are floated — I found two things to my horror — one that there is a big-mafia [who threatened me openly to go back or face dire-consequences] PLUS that the cost the army is getting the supply is almost three-times our cost [because we fed the most expensive and balanced food to our chickens].
12. I came back and decided to go for retail selling — again the cost was more than our selling price and at last we started our own shop — but because of not knowing how to manage staff they stole us blind.
13. After 2 years our total deposit of money reached to Rs.15,000/- with day-to-day expenses to take care and both the sister’s marriage also had to be managed.
14. When we asked for the money for our construction — the person who owned the land refused
15. Then I started applying and within 3 months manage to land a job with General Motors in Middle east — and I left my parents and sisters with Rs.5,000/- total amount to manage their expenses.
My journey as an employee — while working with GM, JC and Raymond
16. After getting the job with General Motors — I spent only what was minimum and ensured that my parents lived comfortably — then within few years saved enough money to take care of expenses for both sister’s marriage.
17. Later I joined Johnson Control and managed to get 30% market-share of entire middle-east market
18. After that I joined Raymond and established their operation out of India by setting up their retail chains in Muscat-Dubai-Abu Dhabi — managed to create significant in-roads in the market dominated by Japanese, British and European brands and supplied even to Emirates and few big Royal-ministries and Army.
19. After three years at Raymond — and after 1 & ½ years of marriage[where we stayed together only for 12 days at the time of marriage] — in 1997 when I came to take my wife and daughter of 6 month old — my wife met with an accident and passed-away the same night
20. At that time all my ambitions and plans just vanished — I had already submitted the documents for migration to Canada — through my Ambassadorial connections acquired through Raymond
21. Then there was only one thing to do — I took care of my daughter with the help of my parents-sisters-nieces
22. During the grief-cycle I got trained myself in counseling from one of the premier and most respected NGO in India and counseled pro-bono for 18+ months to domestically abused women.
23. Then I took a franchise of an American leadership company LMI and while selling these products — got introduced to many top decision-makers — although I could not even recover even half the amount I invested — instead I spent lots of money while marketing
24. But two of these small-medium business owners — asked me to help them overcome — their business-challenges — which I did
25. After that I got into training-coaching-counseling — free-lancing — after many years of struggle to learn and create a niche — I managed to get few MNCs as my client — and did workshops-training programs — other interventions in 10+ countries.
26. In 2012 — I went to Singapore and met a woman who was divorced and had a daughter — we became intimate and it turned into marriage within 4 weeks — which proved to be a very-very wrong decision — as my daughter’s career was completely destroyed and she was emotionally-mentally tortured by my Ex — I also started realizing that my Ex have few psychological issues — I tried various therapy but nothing happened.
27. In Singapore — I created a Singapore-government recognized Hotel-management institute as well as started a CBSE Indian school, besides these I also established ourselves as small-scale industries consultant — both had to close down because of governmental regulation change.
28. Then when I learned of my daughter being tortured [yes I did not know because I used to stay in Singapore for 15 days and in India for 4–6 weeks all throughout.
29. Then we went for divorce — and as a part of agreement — I had to leave everything all that I had earned there — that was almost all that I had.
30. Then we came back to India — I did not have any clients and my daughter’s qualifications was not recognized in India — it’s being one of the UK chartered accountancy out of three which she completed in Singapore.
31. Somehow I managed to start the income trickling — but it was not even 30% of earlier.
32. My daughter through her own determination got a job in one of the Big4s.
After coming back from Singapore — to easy my pain initially — later because I started enjoying it — I wrote in Quora [got more than 2 million views of my answers] plus I sated my two websites https://successunlimited-mantra.com/ [1.5 million hits] and http://relationshipandhappiness.com/ AND also am involved in Pro-Bono online Mentoring-Counseling-Coaching — to Individuals-womenpreneurs-startups
