Why we should never take things personally & how to stop

In this article — you will learn the following

• -Disastrous Impact on our life — when we take things and people — Personally
• -18 Basic human psychology to understand — what makes us take Things Personally
• -70+ steps on How to Not to take — things and people [comments, statements, remarks, expressions and all imagined-wrongs] — personally

Disastrous Impact on our life — when we take things and people — Personally a little too much

Learning — how not to take things [comments, statements, remarks, expressions and all imagined-wrongs]- personally — is a skill that can help each one of us avoid many unnecessary, perceived and self-manufactured — hurts, anger, disappointments and hear-breaks, misunderstandings, quarrels, negativities, conflicts, disputes, stress etc. etc.

Many of us — at times — get offended by what other people said and keep reflecting on what they did and the other side of coin is that you might be killing yourself — just thinking about how you have wronged someone.

Most of the time these things are not even about us at all. Still we tend to assume personal responsibility for occurrences that we have little to no control over OR not concerned about us.

We magnify our roles in the events happening around us and think that it’s because of us — and we internalize problems, words and actions of ours as well as others — as something we need to do.

As human beings — all of us have our own insecurities, sensitivities and EGO — we cannot avoid making wrong assumptions and taking things personally every once in a while.

But if most of the time — if you find that — you are getting hurt, irritated, angry etc. etc. — then you must learn OR take professional help — to stop taking everything personally.

Because it will eventually lead to anxiety-disorders and serious psychological complications.

All of us are so wrapped up in — living our life — which at least I don’t have time and focus on being concerned about what other people think of me.

Taking things personally only leads to a negative outlook — which can never contribute to a happier life — and vice-versa. Sometimes — people do make insensitive comments, nasty judgments and nasty put-downs.

We need to learn how handle these people — then and there — ASSERTIVELY and effectively.

But when — we keep reflecting — hours/days/weeks after someone said something — then it needs immediate remedy.

Emotionally insecure people with very low self-esteem and people with psychological issues — may even take jokes of general nature — personally — creating pain for their loved-ones.

The basic fact is — you can get hurt — for no reason — if you perceive and assume without verifying.

Many of us react by overanalyzing and in the process become depressed and anxious over routine interpersonal interactions.

Few go bonkers from a simple conversation interpreted wrongly to create hell and drive others crazy. 18 Basic human psychology to understand — what makes us take Things Personally

• 1.Most of us feel good to be accepted and liked by our family, friends, professionally and socially
• 2.That is why — we have expectations of what others should do what they should not — BUT — because everyone has their own scale of parameters — No-one will actually do as we want — instead they will do as they want
• 3.Moreover we can’t control how anybody behaves, acts and does — you may find [surprisingly] that many times we can’t control how we behave, act and say.
• 4.Comments made by others — could be the projection of their own hatred, their own lacunas, their own dislikes, their own weaknesses
• 5.Many times they are venting their own pent-up feelings and that is not about you at all
• 6.When people make nasty comments — it is because they are jealous of you
• 7.And then people dislike those qualities in others that they dislike in themselves
• 8.Emotionally insecure and people with low self-esteem usually feel good — when they insult, belittle and suppress others
• 9.Some people are nasty and bitter because of their own nature and conditioning — they will behave like that — no matter what you do
• 10.It for them to work on themselves You can’t and should not try to fix or change them — in fact if you get into changing and fixing them you are going down to their level
• 11.Sometimes — they are plain mad — not at you BUT because they had a lousy day
• 12.At times — you too might have triggered — this behavior in them
• 13.When we take things personally — it also means that — DEEP DOWN We AGREE WITH THE CRITIQUE
• 14.Realize that some people say stupid things
• 15.Also there are people who will always dislike and may hate you
• 16.Everyone has their own opinions based on their belief system and there’s nothing wrong with that — and very few may have belief system where they like and adore you.
• 17.If you’re trying to change other people -that means you don’t really like them as they are AND the reverse is also true
• 18.There is no perfect individual and there is no perfect relationship

70+ steps on How to Not to take — things and people [comments, statements, remarks, expressions and all imagined-wrongs] — personally

• 1.Do you best — give your 100% and ensure excellence in everything that you do and deliver — to instill and reinforce confidence in yourself.
• 2.Because when we have high self-pride, self-respect, self-love — what others do seldom sticks to us
• 3.We also have to develop thick-skin and learn the art of ignoring people and things
• 4.Identify, focus-on and live a meaningful and fulfilling life
• 5.Do things that uplifts you and make you feel great
• 6.Be an action-person — and busy yourself with positive, meaningful and constructive activities
• 7.Ask yourself why someone’s comments, statements or behaviors make you feel bad or make you uncomfortable
• 8.Why are you taking these personally
• 9.People with a low level of confidence are more likely to bristle at any negative comment thrown at them because they are quick to believe that it is true.
• 10.Do you take offense for same thing from everyone
• 11.If it is a put-down or insult — then you must deal with it — decently, respectfully and maintaining your personal-dignity
• 12.Future-plan — What can you do differently — next time similar reactions happens with you
• 13.None of us control what others say or do to us — BUT — all of us have choice to create a response which is powerfully positive and makes us grow
• 14.If we respond instead of reacting — our emotional intelligence would become stronger
• 15.Why are you reacting and losing your cool — are you assuming — WHY — challenge and verify — whether actions or words you took personally really needs you to take action OR plain ignore
• 16.Ask tough questions for clarification on things — in most cases you may find that your assumption was biased
• 17.Learn to create a 60 second gap between your strong impulsive urge to react AND taking action — delay reacting and learn to not give in to your emotions
• 18.Practice to feel the emotions — be aware of them but hold on — until you have had time to question your perceptions
• 19.Never concern yourself about what others think of you
• 20.Understand that criticism — is part of life — we criticize and others criticize us
• 21.We have learn the healthy way of dealing with criticism
• 22.Understand that barring YOUR Blood-enemies — no one in the world is out to attack you
• 23.Get rid of all the toxic people — from your life — it is hard BUT living with them is even more torturous
• 24.Respond only when you are ready
• 25.Accept and become comfortable with yourself
• 26.Live being yourself — then all the people who accept you as you are the people will be those who truly care for you
• 27.Get out of seeing the world from your self-absorbed lenses — by learning to Empathize with the other person’s position
• 28.Become Aware of What You Can & Can’t Control
• 29.Get rid of the mindset — which you can fix or change someone — because no one can
• 30.Know when situations are beyond your control.
• 31.Knowing where to draw the line is tricky, complex and confusing — but once you work on it — you will be able to objectively able to separate yourself from the situation — and can view them in dis-associate form
• 32.Understand that almost all the People Are most of the time Focused on Themselves — have their own insecurities and issues within themselves
• 33.Stop trying to satisfy and trying to please others
• 34.Don’t bother about getting validations from others — you are the only person whose opinion matters
• 35.Limit and avoid your interactions with toxic people
• 36.Know your triggers — identify who and when your triggers your buttons
• 37.Know your pain-spots — these would be those — where just the mention of the subject — makes you upset — these are the things where you are highly sensitive — and we overreact because of old wounds — YOU need to make these less sensitive through internal dialogue and resolve of not letting your past spoil your life
• 38.If the same person has taken you for a ride more than twice — then it time to set your house in order by not letting them take advantage of you — anymore
• 39.Nurture and Focus on all the positive relationships — those which makes you feel blissful and blessed — and who do matter most in your life.
• 40.Stop wasting your precious energy, time and efforts to fix toxic people and to make bad relationships better — let it go — it is not your job to make everyone nicer and wiser — stop fussing over jerks
• 41.When something distracts and upsets you — ask yourself should I be focusing — and whether it is worth — because if you are empathic and sensitive — in a seemingly insensitive world can feel like you are always getting hurt
• 42.Stop suffering — just because you don’t have better coping strategies
• 43.Face the truth — no body is concerned about you — They aren’t even thinking of you
• 44.Create and set clear standards based on values AND follow them
• 45.Hold and make yourself accountable — for continuing improvement and learning
• 46.Face your fears and keep growing — slowly put yourself in the arenas that scares
• 47.Do what you makes you uncomfortable -ore and more
• 48.Always clarify by asking questions to others — to understand their perspective
• 49.If something makes you feel bad — make a list why — it is making you so disturbed
• 50.Why you think YOU are BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY and unjustly
• 51.If somebody tries to exclude you from a group — find other people and groups where you are accepted — Find people where mutual respect exists
• 52.SIMPLE EXERCISES TO STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY
• I.Ensure that you follow your values — and don’t say or do something that creates unwarranted criticism from others
• II.Ignore and stay away from evil people
• III.Respect other people — Make sure you aren’t a hater
• IV.Remember that even the kindest people can be selfish sometimes.
• V.Everyone has their triggers — and when they are pressed intentionally or unintentionally — they may behave irrationally
• VI.Understand that no one can control or change anybody’s reactions.
• VII.It’s okay to make mistakes — and if that mistake affect others — then we need to be concerned about it
• VIII.Don’t go too hard on yourself worrying about what other people think — after you have apologized and corrected your mistake
• IX.Stop generalizing a mistake as a flaw in character
• X.Check if you feel embarrassed to feel proud of yourself — A healthy sense of pride is a powerful defense against unjust criticism and taking things personally.
• XI.Learn and practice assertiveness — all the time and with everyone
• XII.Pay attention to your wants, needs and rights
• XIII.Prioritize self-care more than taking care of others
• XIV.Stop spending time with the wrong people — especially those who influence you negatively
• XV.Stop judging and stop jumping to Conclusions
• XVI.Be yourself — Make Mistakes.
• XVII.Set healthy personal Boundaries.
• XVIII.Be nice and kind to everyone — but — don’t expect them to fall at your feet and feel obligated to you life-long — because you are nice to them
• XIX.When something upsets you or makes you feel uncomfortable — take a different view or seek someone else’s perspective to clarify whether the situation call for the reaction you had or did you lost your cool unnecessarily
• XX.Identify what is negotiable for you and then learning how to hold your space and keep your power

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Originally published at https://successunlimited-mantra.com on November 10, 2020.